


batman and robin vs the president

by manticores



Series: aiden’s shitpost series (not written by them) [2]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: F/F, M/M, hal and barry are gay and evil! for some reason, i didn't write this but i'm uploading it so i might as well perish too, thanks for reading this shitpost series pals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 06:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13289109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manticores/pseuds/manticores
Summary: OHHhhhHHm yg od. jesus christ. the carnage never ends, folks





	batman and robin vs the president

**Author's Note:**

> i'm still burning!

BRUCE  was walking cautiously along the foggy streets of Gotham, his sidekick and son Damian walking behind him. The tip sword trailed along the pavement, squealing like a donkey getting ran over by a truck with MEAT GRINDING GEARS for tires.  “What exactly are we doing again?” Asks the child in a grumpy tone.  “We’re looking for Clark,”  replies Batman, voice husky.  “He turned you against me like the diaper boy he is. He’s just jealous he can’t raise a little asshole like you, so he stole you. I realized I never beat him up for it.” 

Damian sighed.  “Shut up, old man. That’s the third time this week you made us go look for Superman. He’s busy being the PRESIDENT, remember?”   Bruce stiffened. He forgot Superman took over America. Goddamnit. He always steals the COOL things. Batman will always be stuck in this stupid city, kicking everyones butts. suddenly, out of the shadows, someone rolls in and traps Damian in a knife-headlock. “Batman!!!” Cries Damian. Batman spins around. “EHHHH???” He gasps. IT WAS BARRY ALLEN. The red man. “Unhand my baby, you very FAST man,” grunts Batman. “No, Batman. I was spying on you by the orders of our president, Mr. CLARK KENT. I’m part of the FBI bruce. That’s right, I know your secret identity.” Batman gasps. “What?! No! You must never speak of this!” Barry smirks, raising his brow. “I wont. FBI’s are good at keeping info. But I overheard you talking to diaper baby, and President Clark heard it all through my secret microphone. He knows you’re coming to kick his ass. And he’ll be prepared.” Barry laughs, kicking damian to the ground. The kid tumbles to the floor with a gasp, scratching his cheek. “Fuck,” mumbles Batman. “Well, let’s go home Damian.  I’ve been holding in a shit anyways.” Barry snorts, looking to his partner who was hiding in yhe shadows. Out comes Hal Jordan, and he scoops the two masked men up into a green bubble. “Oh my GOD,” groans  Batman. 

“Oh no. We’re going to beat you up first.” Barry and Hal laugh maniacally as Hal slams the bubble into a large building. When did Barry and Hal turn so evil? Superman probably used his new mind control powers given to him by the old red power rander Zordon. He wanted him to use it for good, but he didn’t.

    Anyways, they both fall into an isle on a white carpet. Suddenly, the air was full of gasps.  _ “Bruce?!” _

 

It was Diana, at the altar. With DINAH. They were getting married!!!

“You interrupted my WEDDING!” She snapped, Dinah equally as upset. As they both stormed over to beat them up, someone stood over their broken bodies and shieleded them. “Now wait just a minute!”

 

It was harley quinn, and she was with her hyenas! And poison ivy, because she loved harley a lot. Ivy glared at Harley. “Can’t we just let him die?” she complains, holding a taki plant in her arms. Her prized possession. 

 

“I need the clout,” replied harley urgently. “We shouldn’t fight, guys! Or president Clark will have all of our asses!” 

 

This seemed to make Dinah and Diana ease up. “We finished, anyways. We’re going on our honeymoon.” Diana scoops her new wife up, and blasts off through the hole in the wall Hal created. Everyone claps, including all the heroes and villains. “Woo hoo!” Calls the priest, who lifts his mask to reveal MOB. Batman gasps. “Is that Saitama, onepunxh man?” he asks. “Please escort this man out Hal and Barry,” Mob says passive-aggressively. “With pleasure,” jeers Barry. He kicks Batman out back into the street. He groans, letting his body just kinda roll. Ivy idly eats her takis and watches. “Anarchy!” Screams Harley, charging towards Hal and Barry. “WAIT!”

 

Snart skates in with ice skates, a man behind him looking fine as hell. “Who is she?” Asks Batman. “The one with the nice tits?” 

“It’s me.” The man flexes his SQUARE TITS to reveal a big, red S.

“Clark?????????” Gasps batman. “Come here to kill me?”

 

“No,” says Superman, a strange new lust in his voice. He squats in Batman’s face. “You said you wanted to kick my ass,” he pures. 

 

“I’m waiting baby.”

 

“Blast ine in my face.,” moans batman.

 

Suddenly, Damian shoves a sword through Superman’s face, which comes out of his butt and proceeds to slice  through Batman’s face. 

 

“Very good dude,” says a menacing fuckboy voice.

 

It was Firestorm.

 

“You dudes are all going to FLIPPING DIE.”

 

tbc

**Author's Note:**

> credit for this fic goes to my pal oli who doesn't have an ao3 account jfdksvnlskjjvkdfh


End file.
